Parenting is nails, not because it’s tiring, although arguably it is and as children grow and become more independent and have more influence in their lives it does undoubtably bring challenges and the more children you have the more influence and challenges you face as well as other factors such as personalities and a blue print in a human. The old debate nature over nurture. Different personalities in a house and as I hold pretty much an open house policy there are always different influences around… BUT putting that aside parenting is nails because as children grow up you also age and along with that are the financials, things like mobile phones, driving lessons, car insurance, cars etc and the list goes on but also the major factor I find is that I am just a person going through life for the first time too and the last year in particular has been tough and the thing with a rough ride in life is it can be not just a bad day or week or month but it can seriously feel endless and building a mental toolkit to deal with that is in itself a mission.

I shouted at someone down the phone today. I lost it and at points over the last year I haven’t even recognised myself, my behaviour but we can give ourselves such a hard time for that but it’s ok it really is ok. It’s ok if you can step back and recognise it if you can develop a conversation with your self and rationally analyse what’s happened, the why’s the reasoning this is where self help comes in. I also believe many of us can spend years keeping it together and trying to be more or less the perfect parent around the children. My oldest is 21 going on 22, that’s two decades of holding it together, or at least attempting to. Now I’m lost ? whether it’s the fact that my children are less dependent on me or I’m addressing years of an imperfect marriage or maybe and most likely I’m just battling with myself as a human…. how I got here, where I’m going ? The fact I feel completely and utterly lost….. the one thing that keeps me going is I know I’m going to get there… I’m going to dig deep, very deep, let’s be clear about this I am using anything I can find, any quote, reel, book, person, any bit of inspiration, motivation I can find to push myself forward, I’m absolutely grabbing it….. I’m getting there, I’m there.

Thanks for reading my imperfect words

Rebecca