Accountable Communication

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we’re doing for everyone else over time we loose ourselves. It’s hard to take time some time because there are so many expectations on us. Expectations we put upon ourselves and expectations others put on us and then there is society. I’d love to know to truly understand the real impact of that. Particularly as society is constantly changing. Views are changing constantly, how we raise children, how we integrate into society, the wrong way to do this the right way to do that. How humans interact with each other in school, in work, how society operates. How the class structure operates. How this impacts how we feel about ourselves. How we allow our worth to be measured. Are you good at your job, tick box, are you a good parent, tick box and we continually allow ourselves to be judged to allow other peoples opinions affect us.

Facebook, social media, there are always posts from people regarding mental health and in particular suicide, usually copy and pasted, posts about mental well being and my kettle is always on, never feel alone but these are usually just posts copy and pasted. How many really are genuine. We’re so caught up in what we are doing and it’s so easy to copy and paste.. Seriously you can get a bot to do anything. Write a poem for you, write a blog for you it’s hilarious and really who would honestly know if it was your own work or not ? We’re becoming so numb as humans, some of my kids rarely write anymore at school as it’s all I pads. Read a book, down load it. Write a poem, ask a bot. It’s like humans are becoming more robotic and robots are becoming more human and just maybe that’s part of a plan. Who knows but in a world where communication grows communication ironically seems to decline. We say the right things and we are politically correct about this and that but are we loosing connection. We become so self absorbed and think about ourselves, do we actually understand the people around us and how they feel and how much we are hurting them. Do we actually care ? Do we ever stop and ask why or try and understand people or do we just scroll onto social media and copy and paste something that is the right thing to copy and paste.

How an earth did we end up here. Everything is becoming offensive. Today I read that the word Mother or Father should not be used as it is offensive for some parents or couples but what about those of us who are proud to be a Mother or Father? I love being a Mum and I don’t want to be referred to as ‘Parent’ I actually find that offensive. It’s not personable. Same with she or him to becoming ‘they’ It’s totally dehumanising people and we will all just become a human with no identity. I like the fact that I am a woman and I am a Mum so what about the rights of us that celebrate such a feeling?

It’s all very well teaching this at a young age in schools but I think it’s hard enough to grow up in this world as it is without adding so much confusion to children. They are overloaded with information as it is and it becomes harder for them to enjoy the freedom of being a child.

It’s freedom of speech and human rights but only if it’s en vogue. The world is changing and it is definitely not for the better. The brutal reality is I accept that we should recognise all people and what that stands for but you can’t make every WC gender neutral, would you want your young child going into a WC and being amongst adults? It’s just too much. There has to be a line. We are becoming a very confused and mixed up world. Between class, colour, gender, society it’s all crazy.

People want to speak but they don’t want to listen. We listen only to reply. Everyone has an opinion and that opinion is right. It’s completely out of control.

The government the people we are supposed to trust, they blatantly and brazenly are openly fraudulent, they build a society for themselves. It becomes a world similar to ‘In time’ or ‘The hunger games’.

Average people need to take accountability for themselves. They tell themselves that things are unobtainable for the likes of them, that they are a realist and they will never have this or that. People set themselves limitations and the reality is there are none. We make the mistake of listening to everyone else, everyone else’s opinions and thoughts. We end up in a confused haze of everyone else’s negativity and drama. Life is so short, imagine if the only words we heard were those of positivity. We can achieve amazing things and live an amazing life. I’m not saying we walk around smiling all day with the sun shining and birds tweeting, because to achieve amazing things takes dedication and devotion and it is hard work. No one said it is going to be easy you have to believe but being caught up in the everyday negativity is so mundane, boring and to be honest completely unhealthy.

I wonder how many illnesses would go away if we were much more positive if we adjusted our mind set. It’s like we spread toxins. Negativity is a poison and we live and breathe it but worse we are choosing to accept it. Some thrive from it and it’s awful. Sometimes I feel that I just simply don’t belong in this world because when you wake up and you walk around with your eyes wide open you can clearly see the dirty reality of humanity. The next generation come into the world and believe they know it all, make demands and human rights is banded around more and more. It’s 2023 and the world is evolving all the time and humans are responsible for so much damage. But the world 100 years ago was very different to where we are today. The world 10 years ago is very different to where we are today and as the years go by I ask myself ‘do I want to be part of it?’ simply the answer is in hind sight when my children were very young or even maybe before I had children I would have opted for an off grid living. There are so many people out there believing they are making positive changes to society but really are they ? Or is it selfish and relevant to them or to the few and they want to make it bigger than it is? That is not my opinion that is my question. People become defensive when you question them but really we should all be questioning ourselves more and more. We get too caught up in our own selfish journey. We want to cry and moan and feel sorry for ourselves but some of the most inspirational people are those that have been through hell and back but they don’t sit there and rock and feel sorry for themselves they look the devil in the eye and say ‘Fuck this’ I’m getting though this and I’m going to be more. They don’t need to cry and dwell and tell the world how hard it is for them and that to be honest is the quality that we are loosing. It’s not about dismissing mental health because it’s so very important to understand your mind set and where you are at but whatever has happened to anyone there has to be a way forward otherwise it’s game over. There has to be a mental tool set to get you where you need to be but you also need to be tough. We have lost that element and it’s a really important part of life and moving forward. Strength and courage to face the future.

Thanks for reading

Rebecca

Is thinking free? The whole thought process, what’s it going to cost? Sometimes we think about a purchase, some small such as a new pair of jeans and some much bigger in terms of monetary value perhaps a new car or a new house …..expensive!

Thoughts can also cost us from an emotional perspective too. I know I can feel so shit if I have a disagreement with any of my children, if it’s not ended well I can guarantee I will pay the price. How busy is your brain? Mine is like a washing machine stuck on a spin cycle. I question everything. Am I working hard enough in the gym, am I lifting enough weights, I could lift more, I could run faster, am I eating the right macros, am I drinking too much coffee! I have 5 children, am I giving them enough of my time, I have 4 boys and 1 daughter, am I spending enough time with her? The list is endless and it spins around in my head nonstop. I was going to sleep the other night and this question popped up in my mind ‘Is thinking free?’ What is the price of the thought process? I could not sleep, this question has plagued me eversince.

I’m not even touching on the millions of other thoughts that go through my head when you look at the UK let alone the world.

Daily life, getting to school, getting to College, getting school uniform ready, football kit, rugby kit, home work in and then the clubs after school….. more rugby, swimming, martial arts and YES I signed up for this 100% but do you know when you become a parent I don’t think anything prepares you for the life long commitment. I mean you know you are having a child and hopefully that is a life long commitment and you get through the early years and go through the worry of cot death, illnesses, weaning and those early years are so precious you look back and wish you could have bottled those baby moments. You look back and those early years seem like a doddle but then I did have 5, again completely my choice and it is amazing and you have to take those pockets of amazingness and hold onto them. At times I feel so completely overwhelmed. I mean even getting children up in the morning can become a war zone. How many times you ask a child to get up and dressed! When they are younger you get the hugs and the love then they grow and the affection becomes a fist pump or a nod of the head and that becomes the new norm the new show of affection. They grow up and away which is as it should be. They know you are there if they need you but you become more of an on call parent.

I started writing this as it was intended to ask the question ‘Is thinking free?’ and I always divert. I start writing and it turns into a download of a whole load of thoughts that are going around in my head.

Each one of us was created, isn’t that a miracle in itself. We all have purpose. I know my life is centred massively around my family to which I am completely unapologetic for but the other side of me strives for something else. I absolutely love writing. Years ago I was in the Navy, when I left I moved to fitness and personal training which is my obsession and mental release. I then moved into civil engineering and construction and in the background that’s what I’ve done. I flit and go from here to there but through it all I am clear in my head to navigate through my chaotic life and create something unique. We should never feel done, it’s our experiences that drive us forward and the hard times that give us the strength and determination to see us through and keep powering forward. Sometimes I write and it all makes sense and even at times very occasionally can be quite professional but most of the time I write and some would say it’s scatty but you know what, I feel so much better for getting it out there and no one has to read it but if any of it connects with anyone on a level then I’d say that’s a result. We are all human and you never really know what anyone is going through. You can meet the happiest of people on the surface but you never know what’s going on underneath. I absolutely love the saying ‘Be a good human’ Sounds so simple and really it is so let’s follow it up with the Nike slogan ‘Just do it’ perfect.

Thanks for reading

Rebecca

So I was going to do 100 posts in 100 days but what I have done is to go off and create a project which I am currently working on and I will have a website within a few weeks.

accountable-communication.co.uk or.com

I just really wanted to post this.

HAPPINESS

It has to come from within, that drive, that motivation it doesn’t come from anywhere else. You can’t fake it. It has to put the biggest smile on your face. Absorb you completely. Like a force taking over you and guiding you, driving you forward. If you listen to the inner you it opens up a whole new world. If things are going wrong in your life or you feel you are not on the right path then ask yourself why? Are you being true to yourself? Even the smallest of things or situations such as talking to someone but it doesn’t feel right you don’t quite fit. You disagree with them but don’t say or you have a group of friends and you feel lost or they are holding you back. Take a step away, be strong and listen to the inner you. Follow that gut feeling and go with it. When things are on track you will still come across challenges and obstacles because that’s the unwritten rule but when you follow your true self life is so much better. It works so much better.

You have to have that belief. You can’t fake realness. Genuine. I love that word because it’s rare and when you come across a genuine person they are priceless they are a rare find. Hold on to them. Stick with like minded people, creative people, inspirational people, people with goals. The bigger the better.

Life really can be completely amazing. Do not settle for anything less.

Thanks for reading

Rebecca

So today is day 4 of learning to blog, however I am in the process of meeting people to teach me how to edit and promote my content. A long process but I’m loving it. My 1st goal is 100 blogs in 100 days which I’m finding is actually liberating and I am genuinely feeling a sense of release.

Long term I plan to put together some organised processes around communication for schools, businesses and individuals and I am sure that will come within the 100 blogs.

Communication relates to absolutely everything we do consciously and if we can become more mindful and more aware we bring the subconscious to the surface. Sometimes I feel like humans walk through life with their eyes closed. If anyone has seen Percy Jackson and the lightning thief it’s entrapment in the lotus bar. Distracting you from reality. We communicate using body language, words and tonality these are tools that get us through daily living at home and in work. Accountable communication is when you decide to own it. When you want to understand who you are and where you are going and in order to grow we need to make changes. The saying ‘If nothing changes, nothing changes’ resonates with me because in order to grow and develop changes are needed. Sometimes on a small scale and sometimes on a large scale. My personal changes this year have been:

1. I have given up alcohol for 365 days and so far not missing it, infact feeling more alert and on the ball than I have been in years. Plus I have a bet with my 16 year old!

2. I love my fitness and usually have some kind of self challenge going on. This year it was 100 military press ups every day throughout January, which at the beginning using strict form I could only complete 2, now I can complete 15 and I am still going strong and getting that 100 done, and it’s helped push my bench press up to 50kg from 40kg and guess what? Yep I now need to go to 60kg.

3. I started this blog and jumped right in with zero discussion from anyone, even my husband. Because if I had discussed it with him I would have talked myself right out of it. If I had googled the title I would have thought there are people out there so much better. I would in a nutshell found a reason not to do it. I have given no one my link or even told them it’s like I’ve switched off and gone underground.

The weirdest thing is I feel like someone has taken over me. I have so much to get out there, I write and hit publish. Hubby said do you want me to proof read it? NO I do not because then the questions come up, doubt sets in and it’s all deleted and I continue going through life feeling like I could have made a difference.

If this is aimed at businesses is it too personal? Guess what? I am a person. I listen to my husband on calls, I am in a sense a business advisor for our business because people and relationships can be tricky. I would be a rubbish lawyer because I can see so many points of view and I would argue for and against myself but one thing I have managed to control is my temper, not that I am some kind of complete lunatic, although my kids may argue otherwise, especially when it comes to 8 peoples laundry, that can seriously throw me over the edge. But I have learnt that you cannot fight fire with fire. When voices are raised no matter parent to child, teacher to student or person to person we simply shut off, the words are not being heard so we need to restore calm, walk away and have the conversation later.

A lot of people like to talk and that’s great if you want a conversation but how many people talk but don’t want to listen. There is a reason we were born with 2 ears and 1 mouth.

I briefly want to touch on money, that is almost a dirty word. I am keeping this brief because you can associate money with anything which is why I love the subject so much. So I will talk about this down the line but the way I have learnt to understand and think about money and unrelate to it’s form is simply:

Money = Options

If you have no money you have no options and I absolutely love looking at it like this because it inspires me. It is a tool of barter if you have no money you have no options. If you have limited money you have limited options and so on and this is how I look at money and see it as a clear tool. Not status related just what you want out of life and what options are you going to create to accomplish just that.

Yesterday I questioned what I was doing. I realised after I hit publish I had misplaced a word in my blog and It really knocked me. I started to doubt myself. That will always happen at some point in a a lot of situations but when you weigh it up rationally what’s going to happen? No one reads my blog. The end but what have I got out of it personally. A huge sense of satisfaction that I can switch a computer on and actually get this far which is huge for me in itself. It has distracted me from my over obsession with training and macros and how much I can lift and how far I can run. I feel like I have something worth while to say and to be listened to, even in a boring format. Finally I am a Mum to 5 and a wife but I am also me and I am making a comeback so that’s all good. We all have a story all of us, we are all people and I believe undoubtedly we all have a gift. My gift is optimism. Over flowing optimism and it’s been there my whole life, I love a challenge. I can think outside the box. I can always find a solution. That is my gift. I am genuinely thankful, after all it’s so much better than finding a problem for every solution.

Thank you for reading

Rebecca

Tomorrow is a year 9 careers morning. Adults will go into school and give a brief presentation on their career and advise the children on grades needed for different professions and subjects to study. This for me is what kicked off accountable communication.

There is a huge void in this whole area. We come across people on a daily basis, humans that are capable of building rockets and going to the moon! We come across a lot of negativity on a daily business whether its social media, because that’s always easy to respond to with shitty comments because you are not face to face with that person, you can write fly responses but do you hold yourself accountable?

Then primary school, it starts at school. How many times do you hear children say ‘I am better than you’ …. ‘I am better at football, rugby etc than you’ It starts with the childish banter BUT somewhere in there are the insecurities rising to the surface. The self doubt. I have realised in life, and it took me a while, that the most genuine people are the people who are content. Content with themselves and their lives. I actually took myself away from people as much as possible for a long time. Including family as sometimes they can be the most negative.

It goes through to adulthood. A whole lot of people whether you are a Director of a company, a CEO, Doctor, waitress it doesn’t matter. How many conversations have you listened to with someone telling you how good they are or how many cars they have or related to material things. This is where less can be more. People who are perhaps quieter are usually the gems. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being successful but if you are amazing at your job do you need to vocalise that, unless you are of course selling your services. There is a difference in how we communicate and this is what I believe should be taught at career events and through school right from the very beginning. When you come across a successful person who is humble and genuine that can be a rare find. When deciding on a career and working with children we talk about grades and subjects to study and of course salary and income but you can’t teach genuinity. However you can program the mind and reprogram. How many people listen waiting for the other person to stop talking because we are desperate to answer or have our say? We need educating on our personalities and this does not need to be boring. For children, especially young children it should be like medicine in a sweet. If we did this from day one we might develop a better future for humanity. As adults are we accountable for our moods and actions and our conversation around our children or work colleagues. How many times do you hear people complain about their job or life? Comments such as ‘living the dream’

Communication needs to be understood and it does not need to be taught sitting in a room listening all the time, It can be life changing, wouldn’t you rather wake up positive and happy to start the day? We get caught up on a merry go round that sometimes we can’t get off or don’t know how to change and usually are completely unaware of it all.

We have lost the hardcore attitude of get it done. I was military back in my 20’s for a short while, 5 years. In basic training you gain resilience you get your head down and do what you have to do. You don’t complain but it stayed with me as I moved onto fitness and that mindset is very much needed when you are training hard, especially for a competition.

It always comes back to understanding who we are, where we are going and what we want and most importantly of all are you prepared to do what it takes to get there? It sounds so basic but we are complex beings. Do we understand our true selves, do we take time to?

In school and business communication is everything, it defines the future of us and who and what we are about. Pay it forward. It’s amazing when companies out there support charities or offer their staff profit share or some kind of incentive and this does not need to be massive we all like to feel valued. It comes back to growth and development. To being courteous to others, genuinely thankful. A better world and a higher sense of purpose after all do any of us sit high enough to look down on others.

Thanks for reading

Rebecca

Today is a bit of a flat day. Driving kids around to school, college and clubs. Full of cold, although I am ignoring that.

Builders in the house as we are converting the loft as we seem to be growing from a family of 7 to 8 with my eldests girlfriend moving in. The point is that throughout this day it’s still important to recognise the chatter going on in your own head.

Yesterday was my first blog…. Pretty much computer illiterate so editing is not even on my list right now. I felt like publishing the first words which without pictures is pretty much outdated ! I don’t care. It’s like my own therapy session. The world and how humanity behaves has been whirling around inside my head for so many years it feels so good to actually get it out there. We over complicate so many things in our lives…. Googling as handy as it is, it’s a preventative as well as being thoroughly helpful sometimes. It churns up self doubt and low self esteem. For example if I had googled accountable communication before I started I would have felt a little inadequate but I decided to go with my instinct and basically jump with both feet.

My interest with communication is massive. My posts may be here and there but as you read them and they build I know they will all come together and make complete sense, with pictures at some point and maybe even more!

Sometimes we need to silence the chatter in our heads and just do… do without over thinking or feeling that we are not good enough or there are others with so much more to offer.

We are so capable, we need to reduce words in our vocabulary such as don’t and can’t and use our innovation to grow and develop. I’m sure it’s in us all, absolutely in us.

I also contacted a marketing company today to improve my blogging from right down there to see if I can get it somewhere. Massive step forward for me.

Thanks for reading

Rebecca